Did you ever have a dream?

With so many of our family and friends dying lately, it's made me think (I'm sure Will would say he thought that he smelled smoke) and in some ways I don't know that I like what I'm thinking.
It's two questions that I ask myself.....
Question #1-
If I died today, how would people remember me?
If you really think about it, this is a very sobering question. It was brought home to me by thinking about all the people that I have lost and realizing that they made HUGE impacts on so many lives and would deny it if you asked if they had.
My Aunt Ruth was a calm, upbeat person that never had a harsh word for anyone. She gave young women in our family someone to look up to and strive to be like. Even Jessalyn at 11 thought she wanted to be like her when she grew up. What did she do? She was just herself, but truthfully her main impact (in my eyes) was that she LOVED. It did not matter who you were, she loved you. She ALWAYS had time to talk with me, pass on advise if I asked for it and opened her home when I wanted to visit.
I think the thing that impressed me the most happened when I was in that gawky stage where you're still considered a kid, but are trying to be an adult, she would sit down and TALK to me. ME. She treated me like I was the most important thing at that time and just talked and really, really listened. I think that I can learn from that. I have been trying to listen more and to focus on what other people are saying. It's very hard for me because I have so many things crowding my mind and fighting for attention, but I'm trying. I am trying to be a better listener.

My Uncle Bill never met a stranger. He loved everyone, especially kids. At his funeral the question was asked "If your world was touched by Bill as a child please raise your hand". Almost every hand in the place went up. Bill's secret? He LOVED. He loved everyone. He loved kids most of all. He was small in stature, but had a heart as big as the outdoors and it included every kid you could find. Uncle Bill belonged to the kids and we just happened to let Aunt Jean share him.

Of course on a side note I do have to tell you that Aunt Jean has his ashes sitting on the table next to the tv until they are buried together. The reason that she put him next to the tv, is now she "makes him watch all the tv shows that he wouldn't let her watch". She'll say "I'm watching Matlock again Bill and you have to sit through it". Too funny.

My Uncle Lloyd was the last one that we lost. People are still telling us how he affected their lives. Just the other day Cranfest donated $500 to the local cemetery in his honor, for the family to do something in his name, like put in benches, plant trees etc. They usually only do a $50 donation in someone's honor. Look at the difference.
Lloyd's secret he LOVED. He loved everyone. He listened to everyone. He loved children. He remained upbeat through terrible, terrible arthritis. He even was upbeat on his deathbed (although Brett's retirement from the Packers did give him pause). Lloyd listened to people. He helped everyone he could find, if possible. He loved kids. My son misses him terribly.
I am noticing a theme here. Love everyone, listen and love kids. I think I need to work on all of these more.

Question #2
What have I done with my life?

This has so many parts. When I first graduated High School, I had a plan. That lasted for about a year. Then the dreams changed. I had always wanted to be married, but pretty much knew I never would be. Even told God that I was ok with not being married, if that was what he wanted. I was "unofficially engaged" to Will within a month. So much for that plan.
Plans changed and dreams changed as each kid came along. As the move to Wisconsin happened. Now here I am 43 years old and I still don't know what to be when I grow up.

My greatest dream has been to own and run a restaurant. I doubt that will ever happen. I seem to be a mail carrier for the long haul. It's a good job. It pays well and will pay much better when I go full time. It offers a retirement package. I guess I will stick it out. Not my dream, but I guess it's where God wants me.

I have 4 books started and cannto find the time to finish them. I have them all written in my head. I think about them on the mail route, but cannot find the time to type out the words. Will has read one of them and seemed to like it. I have dreams of finishing them. I don't even think that I have to publish them. I just want to finish them and get em out of my head. They don't go away, they just stay there and something will happen and it will trigger another chapter in my head. Strange.

I love gardening. I always wanted to have one of those yeards that you are just drawn into. I want peple to want to walk throught my yard and just spend time enjoying it and the quiet. Lots of work later, I think I'm closer, but a long way away from that feeling. I will keep trying on that one.

I dreamed of being the "cool mom". The one that all the kids wanted to have as a chaperone, or that all the kids wanted to be at our house. Not happening. I suppose it does to some extent, but working 6 days a week certainly has it's draw backs.

I had so many places that I wanted to visit in my lifetime and now, that lifetime it closer to being over and have I visited them? I wanted to take my kids to so many places, Have I?

Most of all... I want to be remembered by everyone like Ruth, Bill and Lloyd are. I want to love, listen and care. I big order and I think that I fail miserably, but I am going to try to do better. Starting today.